Here are the two
aspects of this article that caught my attention:
1. There is apparently an epidemic of guys
drunkenly declaring their love to women; enough so that Cosmo had to write an
article about it.
2. Cosmo lays out a three step process that
basically tells the reader to be like, “Hey, when you were drunk last night
and said 'I love you' did you mean it”? That is, of course, unless you don’t
want him to mean it. In that case, the article instructs you to just dismiss his
statement as “drunken gibberish” and hope it goes away… because that’s usually
what happens after someone declares their love to you.. it just goes away.
The drunken “I love you” epidemic
We have established
that there are clearly an overwhelming number of men proclaiming our love for
women while being intoxicated. Do not take this personally. As men, a lot of
our major epiphanies occur while we are intoxicated.
In fact, alcohol is
the muse of the artist. Many great writers and painters used alcohol as
inspiration. Douglas Adams conjured up The Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy while drunk. It is well known that
writers such as Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, and, Hunter Thomson (to name a
few) found insight at the bottom of a beer mug or martini glass. Jackson
Pollock had a well documented drinking problem.
It doesn't stop
there: “Shark Week” was conceived over beers. Pet Rocks were invented at a bar!
Saying “I love you” to someone you care about seems like a much better idea
than Pet Rocks, and Pet Rocks were successful.
Conclusion 1:
We all have thoughts. Alcohol
not only helps bring those thoughts to the surface of our brain, it helps
inspire us to actually carry them out without pesky inhibitions or realization
of consequences clouding our judgment. When a shitfaced man tells you that he
loves you that love comes from somewhere and is probably something that has
crossed his mind even before alcohol entered his system. You should hear him
out…. Unless, of course, he is a stranger or exposing his gentiles; then run and find the
nearest authority figure.
Cosmo’s advice
Cosmo instructs you on
how to find the truth about his drunken, “I love you” statement through the
advanced method of ‘simply asking him’. This scientific process of actually acknowledging
these events should be applied even if you do not want the “I love you” to mean
anything. That feeling of love probably came from somewhere, and just because he only
found the courage to express himself through alcohol, does not mean it just goes
away when you are both sober.
Unrequited love is
certainly a tough subject to bring up, so I suggest grabbing a few drinks
together, and returning the favor by getting
drunk and telling him that, “you do not love him”. Remember to not accidentally sleep
with him. This could be confusing.
The other option is to
ignore the incident, as Cosmo originally instructs, and just feel awkward and
avoid all physical contact every time you see each other until you slowly fade
out of each other’s lives, like an adult.
Conclusion 2:
It can be uncomfortable
to talk about any subject that involves feelings, strong opinions, or that wasn't on television in the last week. If a guy tells you that he loves you it is
worth bringing up the next day even if you know you don’t feel the same way. At
the very least, addressing the statement will allow you to continue your
friendship in which he is now, not so secretly, in love with you. This way you
can be on the same page about pretending that the “I love you” didn't mean
anything and isn't at all awkward. Otherwise, he will probably bring it up again... probably when he is shitfaced.
