According to Cosmo dating is a test, this article is a study guide, and your teacher is a gay dude in a lavender sweater. This dude may be able to rock a pair of skinny jeans much better than I can, but I think I can add some valuable points to another poorly thought out Cosmo advice article.
Let’s break this puppy down point by point.
- Play a little hard to get = Don’t sleep with him on the first date.
To be honest, I like it if you are a little eager before our
date. That makes me feel more confident. Just don’t give it up immediately
after the first date. . Wait until at least the third date before you let him
insert himself into you. In order to build some allure you need to let him
masturbate to the thought of it a few times first.
- Show up on time.
I like how in their first point Cosmo specifically says not to
reach out to confirm plans because it makes you seem too eager. Yet, in point number two, they
are telling you to be prompt.
i.e. Don’t confirm the date because that is pathetic. Just
show up 10 minutes early without speaking to him first. This way you can show
him how efficient and enthusiastic you are”. Thanks Cosmo.
I agree that it is a good look to try and be prompt for your date, but I am usually running 5-10 minutes behind, especially if I am meeting you after work. I don’t mind if you are a few minutes late as well... just as long as you don’t leave me hanging for an hour. How you put yourself together tells me more about how ”into it” you are than the time you arrive.
- Talk about yourself.
As a comedic Vaudeville act in the early 1900’s would
probably point out, this should not be a problem for most women and, as men, we
won’t really be listening anyway. One hundred years later and our thinking has
not changed much. We expect that you will be enthusiastically talking about yourself
and if you are not we will assume something is wrong.
However, here are two important pieces of advice:
1). Talk about yourself, not your ex-boyfriend who “you no
longer care about."
2). Your hopes and dreams= intimate. Weirdest place you have
ever had sex= psycho.
Seriously though, if I am into you I definitely want to know more about you. I will ask you questions. Ask them back. Also, be sincere.
- Let him be a man.
The Cosmo article talks about chivalry here. I have never been on
a date where a girl has made me feel bad for opening a door for her. I am also
not sure how many feminists are reading Cosmo magazine. Personally, I do typically pay for
the date. Even if it was a terrible first date and I have no intention of going
out again. What can I say? I am a nice Jewish boy. That is why I like to opt
for drinks on a first date and save dinner for the second or third time we go
out.
If I were the author of the article I would have gone in the
direction of emasculation. As a 5’8 Jewish boy who has never been in a physical
altercation I am fairly easily emasculated. I do not need any help from you.
In general, men can be sensitive when it comes to challenging our masculinity. Especially when trying to make a good first impression. In order to avoid any male meltdowns, here are some things I would abstain from asking him to do on the first date:
1). Carry you
2). Defend you
3). Lift anything as a test of strength
4). Talk about Disney movies
5). Braid your hair
Lastly, please do not refer to him as “adorable”.
- Never fake a laugh.
Laughing is typically a positive sign. It shows that you are
having a good time and are enjoying the conversation. Most girls say that they are
looking for a guy to make them laugh. So we often gauge how good of a time
you are having based on your laughter. I always feel good once I get a good
belly-laugh out of a girl that takes her by surprise.
However, not all men are as charming and witty as I am. In
my opinion, it is fine if you want to fake a laugh to show you are enjoying yourself.
Just don’t force it or overcompensate. Maybe start with a fake giggle depending
on your acting skill set (I think there are many similarities to faking an
orgasm here. If he catches you faking be prepared for him to desperately try
harder).
Just know that he may only be pretending to care about those
pictures on your phone of “the cutest dog or baby nephew in the world”. So, it
is only fair for you to only pretend to think he is funny.
- Make the date last longer.
I am assuming at this point in the date you would have been
too busy talking about yourself all night
(see #3) to have kept track of time anyway.
I actually agree with this last statement. If you are having
a good time then let him know. Don’t be afraid to suggest hanging out longer and a change
of scenery… just as long as you don’t drag him to someplace weird. IE another
bar for a nightcap or a walk in the park= good. Abandon warehouse or strip
club= bad (I don’t care how much of a guys, girl you are. No man can keep up
his first date charm while staring at stripper titties).
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