The First 20 minutes of a date: A guy’s perspective.

To be honest, I believe that the first 20 minutes of a date are overrated. Girls tend to over think EVERYTHING and guys tend to not think very much at all. The first 20 minutes of meeting someone should not make or break a potential relationship, but obviously a bad first impression creates a large hole to dig your way out of.

Cosmo gave us the first 20 minutes of a date from a girl’s perspective. Here are the first 20 minutes from a guy’s point of view.

2 to 4 seconds in.

“Hey, how are you? It’s nice to meet you”. That takes about 4 seconds when said into a tape recorder while sitting at your desk (Just trying to be thorough).  Cosmo claims that during this time-period a woman’s brain is “working two fold” to judge physical appeal and determine if there is a good personality match. If Cosmo is correct- I am both impressed and horrified. It takes me about 4 seconds to register if a door says “push” or “pull”. There is no way I can judge someone’s entire character in that amount of time.

I think the only thing I can do within the first 4 seconds of meeting someone is determine if I find them physically attractive. So, while a woman’s brain is “working two fold” to gauge whether her potential mate is a good match on a physical and intellectual level; a man is just playing an internal game of “hot or not”.

30 seconds in.

Like with any interview, on a first date, you come prepared with a few standard questions and answers. This is where you use those to avoid any awkward silences right off the bat. During this time I am focusing on eye contact (IE not checking out your breasts like I really want to) and nodding and smiling.

It is also important to note that by this point in the date I have already checked out your body for “breeding compatibility”. It is an innate behavior that, as men, we cannot escape, ancestrally speaking (so you can’t blame us).

5-Minutes in.

This is the point in the date where you start getting comfortable.. or very uncomfortable depending on how things are going. Cosmo points out that, at this point in a date, you begin mapping out similarities since you are more compatible with someone who is like you (duh, thanks for pointing this out cosmo). However, before that can happen you need to get to the comfort level where you start opening up to each other. That's why it is important to first break the ice in order to help ease any tension and stress caused by being put in a situation with a stranger who you have to simultaneously judge and try to impress.

Alcohol is the typical tool used for loosening you up, but that can often lead to poor decision making and awful first impressions (we have all been there). Instead, I find that humor is a good tool for breaking the ice. Scientifically, laughter releases endorphin's (chemicals that make you happy) and helps eases the nerves. Socially, who doesn’t like to laugh?  Luckily, humor is my social crutch so this comes naturally to me. The sooner you can crack a joke and “share a laugh” the quicker you can start to bond. I use humor to help create a bond, some guys use other methods like magic- They are called douche bags… sorry, I mean Illusionists. Just do whatever comes naturally to you.

10 minutes in.

Cosmo says that you will start to mimic each other’s movement since we tend to mimic those we find attractive. To me, mimicry at this point in the date shows nervousness. You might mimic the other person’s movements, but that is only because you want them to accept you (consciously or unconsciously). It is OK to be nervous - you have only known this person for 10 minutes, and if you are starting to like them you are grasping for ways to make a good first impression. It may be a ballsy move, but I find that just the act of verbally acknowledging your nervousness helps ease the nervous.  Plus, as a guy, it is nice to know that the girl you are out with is in to you and that any odd behavior is being caused by nerves and not utter disgust. Remember, acknowledge the nervousness as a side note and move on. Don't harp on it as the new, even more awkward topic of conversation.

Here are some things I do when I am nervous:

-          Dance or sway even if there is no music.

-          Mumble incoherently.

-          Play with my nonexistent beard hair.

20 Minutes

In cosmo’s words, “Our ancestors wouldn’t accept food from a stranger, so sharing plates on a first date shows trust”.  Our ancestors would also club a female they find attractive and drag her back to their cave.  In actuality, we accept food from strangers all the time. That is pretty much the entire concept of eating out at a restaurant. In fact, I know quite a few women who date just for the free meal. So, as a man, I usually like to have the first date at a wine bar. This way we have options:

1. If it is bad- we can get one drink and leave immediately.. because I have a thing with ahh some friends.
2. If things go well- we can order some food to share. Sharing food is intimate and a lot more cost effective than getting entrees at a restaurant.
3. If things are going really well- we can get two drinks and go back to my place...?

Basically, it's good to have options so you can call an audible depending on how the date is going.

End of the night.

A goodnight kiss is always a nice way to enhance the bond…  I think our ancestors would agree with that as well.

6 Ways to Ace a First Date

According to Cosmo dating is a test, this article is a study guide, and your teacher is a gay dude in a lavender sweater. This dude may be able to rock a pair of skinny jeans much better than I can, but I think I can add some valuable points to another poorly thought out Cosmo advice article.

Let’s break this puppy down point by point.

1. Play a little hard to get = Don’t sleep with him on the first date.

To be honest, I like it if you are a little eager before our date. That makes me feel more confident. Just don’t give it up immediately after the first date. . Wait until at least the third date before you let him insert himself into you. In order to build some allure you need to let him masturbate to the thought of it a few times first.

2. Show up on time.

I like how in their first point Cosmo specifically says not to reach out to confirm plans because it makes you seem too eager. Yet, in point number two, they are telling you to be prompt.

i.e. Don’t confirm the date because that is pathetic. Just show up 10 minutes early without speaking to him first. This way you can show him how efficient and enthusiastic you are”. Thanks Cosmo.

I agree that it is a good look to try and be prompt for your date, but I am usually running 5-10 minutes behind, especially if I am meeting you after work. I don’t mind if you are a few minutes late as well... just as long as you don’t leave me hanging for an hour. How you put yourself together tells me more about how ”into it” you are than the time you arrive.

3. Talk about yourself.

As a comedic Vaudeville act in the early 1900’s would probably point out, this should not be a problem for most women and, as men, we won’t really be listening anyway. One hundred years later and our thinking has not changed much. We expect that you will be enthusiastically talking about yourself and if you are not we will assume something is wrong.

However, here are two important pieces of advice:

1). Talk about yourself, not your ex-boyfriend who “you no longer care about."

2). Your hopes and dreams= intimate. Weirdest place you have ever had sex= psycho.

Seriously though, if I am into you I definitely want to know more about you. I will ask you questions. Ask them back. Also, be sincere.

4. Let him be a man.           

The Cosmo article talks about chivalry here. I have never been on a date where a girl has made me feel bad for opening a door for her. I am also not sure how many feminists are reading Cosmo magazine. Personally, I do typically pay for the date. Even if it was a terrible first date and I have no intention of going out again. What can I say? I am a nice Jewish boy. That is why I like to opt for drinks on a first date and save dinner for the second or third time we go out.

If I were the author of the article I would have gone in the direction of emasculation. As a 5’8 Jewish boy who has never been in a physical altercation I am fairly easily emasculated. I do not need any help from you.

In general, men can be sensitive when it comes to challenging our masculinity. Especially when trying to make a good first impression. In order to avoid any male meltdowns, here are some things I would abstain from asking him to do on the first date:

1). Carry you

2). Defend you

3). Lift anything as a test of strength

4). Talk about Disney movies

5). Braid your hair

Lastly, please do not refer to him as “adorable”.

5. Never fake a laugh.

Laughing is typically a positive sign. It shows that you are having a good time and are enjoying the conversation. Most girls say that they are looking for a guy to make them laugh. So we often gauge how good of a time you are having based on your laughter. I always feel good once I get a good belly-laugh out of a girl that takes her by surprise.

However, not all men are as charming and witty as I am. In my opinion, it is fine if you want to fake a laugh to show you are enjoying yourself. Just don’t force it or overcompensate. Maybe start with a fake giggle depending on your acting skill set (I think there are many similarities to faking an orgasm here. If he catches you faking be prepared for him to desperately try harder).

Just know that he may only be pretending to care about those pictures on your phone of “the cutest dog or baby nephew in the world”. So, it is only fair for you to only pretend to think he is funny.

6. Make the date last longer.

I am assuming at this point in the date you would have been too busy talking about yourself all night  (see #3) to have kept track of time anyway.

I actually agree with this last statement. If you are having a good time then let him know. Don’t be afraid to suggest hanging out longer and a change of scenery… just as long as you don’t drag him to someplace weird. IE another bar for a nightcap or a walk in the park= good. Abandon warehouse or strip club= bad (I don’t care how much of a guys, girl you are. No man can keep up his first date charm while staring at stripper titties).

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